BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND TWITTER BACKGROUNDS

Sunday, December 31, 2006


2007 or something like it …

I might spread a new bed sheet on my bed … I might redo my room… I might get myself a new wardrobe... I might even delete all those mushy e mails to my ex from my system…
But these lil exercises won’t make the year looming large at us new …indeed the year we are all so eager to welcome might only end up being an irritating thing to get used to while writing cheques…

What I need is a miracle to help me welcome the New Year with unbridled, innocent anticipation…

So here is to miracles…
Happy New Year folks …
Or if u are me welcome to another year in limboland…
and for u the suckers for mush ...
525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?
How about love?
How about love?
Measure in love.
Seasons of love.
525,600 minutes!
525,000 journeys to plan.
525,600 minutes - how can you measure the life of a woman or man?
In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned, or the way that she died.
It’s time now to sing out, tho the story never ends let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends.
Remember the love!
Remember the love! Remember the love!
Measure in love....
(from the OST of the lovely "Rent")

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

somethings in life are best left unsaid...


Tuesday, December 26, 2006



Sunday, December 24, 2006

From the archives...

this is one of my favorite posts...not because it's a well written one (modesty be damned) or because it elicited an all time high of 22 comments ...but because its me ....

On September 3 1973 a blue fly capable of flapping 70 beats a minute landed on St.Vincent Street in Montmartre. At that moment, on a restaurant terrace nearby the wind magically made two glasses dance unseen on a table cloth. Meanwhile, in a 5th floor flat on Avenue Trudaine, Paris 9 returning from his fiend’s funeral Eugene Colere erased him from his address book. At the same moment, a sperm with one X chromosome belonging to Raphael Poulain made a dash for an egg in his wife Amandine. Nine months later Amelie Poulain was born …Amelie who likes looking back at people’s faces in the dark in the cinema …Amelie who likes noticing details that no one does …Amelie who cultivates a taste for small pleasures like dipping her hand in a sack of grain (cold and grainy) cracking crème brulee with a teaspoon (the blob sound is so satisfying)…Amelie who wonders how many people are having an orgasm at this very moment (72... on second thoughts make that 36).On honeyed afternoons when the world seems to be bathed in the most cheerful of yellows I try and invoke the Amelie in me…Amelie is my Movie of the Week.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Carcapades

Disclaimer ...to some this post may seem to be a bit too explicit by my hitherto staid standards…

“We made out in the car and that’s a wonderful way to start a festive week don’t u think??” he said … blink blink …( ok its not as if I am entirely unexposed to the idea of ppl makin out in public places and stuff …but this is a frnd for chrissake … u don’t think of friends as lean mean sex machines romping about the Delhi suburbs …they are ppl u share benign cups of coffee with and discuss love lives antiseptically unless its Ugly girL who regales us with the nitty grittys of her sexcapades )
and yet I kept probing further …
asking him about almost everything… the sights, sounds, smells … and like all men he was only too happy to oblige… it was not as if I was sexually aroused by the narration of his amorous exploits… I was plain curious… so I asked him irrelevant questions like if there were dogs barking nearby (yes there were, in fact three dogs creating a ruckus outside) … did he have his car light on? if he didn’t how did he manage to see the person he was making out with ( he didn’t have to see the person he said …that way it was more kinky ) cud he hear the hawkers (there weren’t any hawkers around , he had slyly parked his car in a secluded spot in the JNU campus)…even as I was prying I declared myself a voyeur…but no, there was something vicariously moral about my queries … I think I have finally managed to detach the titillating element from sex …and see it simply as an act …
or maybe I haven’t …
but I sure was not jerking off after the tete a tete...

Monday, December 18, 2006


My Happy Dog Eared Bookmark…

Left from AJC Bose Rd. Crossing, next to Bhawanipore College is the bookshop your dreams, points out the book mark in grids of arrows and lines…sigh…in this word of ready- to- eat Dal Bukhara and online bookings, bookmarks aren’t bookmarks anymore …nor are books books… NOW A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE cries the cover of a recently adapted popular novel …as if the adaptation was the other way around…but this isn’t a post on the commercialization of books and bookmarks in specific, and reading habit in general, at least that’s not what I mean it to be, if it ends up being a comment on the phenomenon then it is entirely incidental (but my saying so defies the statement doesn’t it?)

This post was supposed to be a part of my musings on little things like browned saucepans (I love my tea post) and dog eared bookmarks…how I love talking about them … these little things which makes me feel at home by simply being… so familiar…

My Dog eared bookmark has for months yearned for the warmth and embrace of pages …a self imposed sabbatical from working life (read joblessness) has ensured that it gets a lot action …

Yay for my dog eared bookmark…

Sigh… am losing it …

Saturday, December 16, 2006


My tea…her tea…

Kiran Desai’s Booker acknowledged Inheritance of Loss opens with a quaint chapter on the ritual of afternoon tea…the lighting of the stove…the gurgling of the tea kettle…and the obstinate but lazy need for boiled camellia leaves… Kiran Desai captures it all and more, and in the process makes me romanticize a daily ritual which probably doesn’t deserve the dignity of the written word…but yet when I picture myself bending over the humble browned sauce pan adjusting the flame, adding a dash of sugar and pouring the whiteness to the golden brownness (it always breaks my heart to see the golden hue of unpolluted black tea disappear in the muddiness of milk infestation), I smile…
I smile at the fundamental difference in taste between a mother and a son ….she likes her tea with milk and I like the homogenized version…
I smile at the magic that these humble leaves create when they blend with water ….oozing out a subtle and aromatic flavor that has pleased discerning taste buds for centuries…
And more than anything else I smile at the chipped cup which i refuse to throw away coz i have grown up drinking tea out of it ...

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

of honey and sweetness....

sweet ole bips ( a very dear frnd ) had once read one of my angst ridden posts and observed that it is "slow and sensuous pouring of emotions ...very much like fiona" ...though i dont have any such illusions about my rather plebeian writing skills ,thanks to her very generous comment i discovered fiona...and boy am i hooked...

You moved like honey in my dream last night
Yeah, some old fires were burning
You came near to me and you endeared to me
But you couldnt quite discern me
Does that scare you?
Ill let you run away
But your heart will not oblige you
Youll remember me like a melody
Yeah, Ill haunt the world inside you
And my big secret - gonna win you over
Slow like honey, heavy with mood
Ill let you see me,
Ill covet your regard
Ill invade your demeanor
And youll yield to me like a scent in the breeze
And youll wonder what it is about meI
ts my big secret - keeping you coming
Slow like honey, heavy with mood
Though dreams can be deceiving
Like faces are to hearts
They serve for sweet relieving
When fantasy and reality lie too far apart
So I stretch myself across, like a bridge
And I pull you to the edge
And stand there waiting
Trying to attainT
he end to satisfy the story
Shall I release you?
Must I release you?
As I rise to meet my glory
But my big secret
Gonna hover over your life
Gonna keep you reaching
When Im gone like yesterday
When Im high like heaven
When Im strong like music
cuz Im slow like honey,
andHeavy with mood

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Touch …

I brush past…
I push …
I jostle…
I squirm…
But rarely do I touch…
But when you embrace me with your eyes
When you look up…
Why oh why do I fade out?

Wednesday, November 15, 2006


My Film Festival


this is an excerpt of my report on the Kolkata Film Festival ...it was rejected ...the person in charge of the website felt its was just a series of comments by the bystanders...my attempt was to string together the Film Festival story...


look at me am the quintessential whiney writer...


Long after the dust settles on Nandan grounds, the flavor of the sumptuous film feast will linger in the mouths of cinephiles. The Kolkata Film Festival is a veritable feast, which leaves its patrons hungry for more, and this year the feast was particularly well laid out. The discerning jury members like fussy Chefs, ensured that only the freshest and choicest of films were served.

Many People…Many Voices

On every second week of November people from all walks of life in Kolkata come together for a cause célèbre; a week of celluloid revelry through which Kolkata celebrates her most enduring aspect: her mythical middle class intellectual who swears by Godard and dotes on Fellini.

Therefore one wouldn’t be too off the mark if one decides to track the “mythical intellectual” in the melee of Nandan Multiplex grounds. Armed with a note pad and a pen, yours truly decided to hunt him/her down and the results were surprising to say the least.

Sample these-

Aditya Mondol, a constable with the Kolkata Police, who has been posted as security personnel in the Nandan Complex (where most of the films were screened), says “ I would love to watch movies from different parts of the world, but I also realize that as a security person my duty is to ensure that cinema lovers of Kolkata do not face any trouble. So I am not complaining, I love reading the brochures…I thrive in this atmosphere”.

Anubhati Basu, a student of cinema rues the lack of enthusiasm among the youth. She feels that “Cinema, or for that matter any form of art, cannot survive without the patronage of the youth. The fact that none of my classmates are here is very significant, and I am disillusioned…”

Nihar Gupta, a businessman, says, “The film festival is a good place to see uncensored films.”

Shakuntala Barua, a popular film and television actress feels that the Film Festival is a pilgrimage for her. She finds the experience of discovering different films and cultures “humbling”.

Jigme Bhutia, content writer, is here because it’s a “cool place to be seen in. I fail to understand why should we treat the festival as a pilgrimage. After all it’s about people isn’t it? Why make it a pretentious orgy of intellectual musings?”

Parambrata Chatterjee, a popular actor and an up and coming filmmaker, feels that the Festival like everything in Kolkata is a celebration of its people. “ It’s like a Puja Pandal here and that’s wonderful. I love discovering new films here…” like a true student of cinema, this young filmmaker loves studying the subtler nuances of filmmaking. He finds the prospects of discovering new cultures through films “ exciting and inspiring”.

Arpita Bagchi and Siddharth Bagchi have been patrons of this festival from its very inception. They were regulars in the quadrennial International Film Festival of India (which is now an annual event in Goa) too. Their love for cinema is enduring to say the least. As Mrs.Bagchi fondly reminiscences “I still remember the joy of discovering Godard, Bergman and Adoor Gopalakrishnan…the festival is something we eagerly look forward to every year.”

Dipak Das, a tea seller in the Festival Grounds says “ I have served cups of tea to many luminaries with my own hands during the Kolkata Film Festival. I probably am not educated enough to fully comprehend their work but I make it a point to see them. Initially they didn’t make sense but today I think Bergman is a beautiful filmmaker.”

Chandan Sen a reputed theatre personality feels that the Film Festival is a good platform to “understand the thought process of the world personae.”
Probably, in between these somewhat conflicting views, I have found the true (and not the mythical) Kolkata Intellectual…or at least his/her shadow

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


Signals...


Hardly do Kolkata roads hold as much promise from me as they do when I take an auto home from office every evening…the billows of smoke that carbon monoxide spewing buses blow on/in (?) my face don’t seem to be that bothersome…the irritable cab driver who insists that I pay him in impossible changes seems almost likable…and all these because of the assurance of a sanctuary to retire to…
And today my journey home was quite significant…. as the traffic signal turned green from red, everything seemed to make more sense…wonder what was keeping me from taking necessary steps…
The signal of course….

Friday, November 03, 2006


Elizabeth, Darcy and more ....


Ahem ahem. …Encouraged by the somewhat unexpected response to my last post (4 comments as opposed to 0 comments on my last post …pathetic u say??? what to do am a man of mediocre ambitions) on a favorite classic adaptation I will take the liberty to critique another eternal favorite…


Jane Austen's delightful rendering of passion in polite society has inspired many an adaptation but the 1995 one, stands out not simply because of the canvas it employs to tell a story so heartwarming that it has touched the hearts of generations, but also because of the way it is told.

Austens six major published novels create a world within the world, the threat of the ensuing wars of that period and other socio political circumstances do cast their shadow over the dramatic flow of the novels but hardly so. One is reminded of them through an absentee family member or a dead one. But the world of Jane Austen is primarily that of a woman’s, Austen a wise and a judicious writer that she is, is believed to have said that since she had very little exposure to the outside worlds she could hardly write about them.

And this version of Austens arguably, greatest novel, plays on that very clash; that of the inner and the outer worlds, depicted brilliantly by use of spaces by the director. Elizabeth and her dilemmas find their way to the screen through the subtlest insinuations. We, the audience are enthralled by director Simon Langtons capacity to capture the inner conflicts of the characters through visual metaphors. Sample this- Elizabeth’s walks are important turning points of the film; the juxtaposition of her against the sprawling backdrops makes her a kind of a lone ranger, an iconoclast.

Jane Austen’s heroines were never overtly feminists, but in them a keen reader will notice the seeds of the feminist philosophy developing. Through their little way they defy the norms of the repressed English society of their times. Simon Langton’s Elizabeth exudes “a kind of self independent air “ which makes her quite detestable to the Bingley sisters, her gait and her mannerisms are not at all in keeping with the delicate movements that one associates with the women of that period. Her body language is distinctly more confident than all the other characters, both male and female.

Darcy is appropriately grave and smoldering but in him one sees the shadows of self-doubt and self-questioning (specially in his conversations with Elizabeth) that gives another dimension to the character. Interestingly the director chooses to sexualize Darcy’s character by making him emerge out of water (a la Bo Derek in 10 …ok maybe not that sexualized). One wonders if his intention to objectify Darcy was intentional….

Pride and Prejudice was always meant to be much more than the story of the realization of Darcy-Elizabeth love intrigue. Its as much a story of the other unions, namely that of Jane-Bingley, Mr.and Mrs.Bennet, Charlotte and Mr.Collins, Mr. And Mrs Gardener and of course Lydia-Wickham. The director rightly documents the development of these relationships as faithfully as possible.
The Bennet family is suitably dysfunctional, headed by an eccentric father and a hysterical, scheming, shallow, crude mother (Mrs.Bennet is not for nothing one of the most loved literary figures of all time). Mr.Collins seems to be a case of a masterstroke casting, for the actor lives the role. Thanks to the four-hour plus running time each and every character gets ample screen time to register growth.
All the actors more than rise to the occasion and deliver satisfactory performances, never trying to steal scenes from each other. The intention of each and every member of the cast and the crew of this production was obviously to produce a composite product instead of a patchily brilliant one.
Incidents that give an insight to the minds of the characters are of incredible importance in a novel, but most cinematic adaptations strangely choose to bypass them, focusing more on the dramatic flow of the film, this adaptation thankfully focuses on the incidents that shape the perception of a character i.e. the Charlotte -Elizabeth confrontation scene which ends with Elizabeth being disillusioned with the “pragmatic” Charlotte.
The BBC version of Pride and Prejudice is indeed a satisfying movie adaptation experience, especially to the sub genre of human race called “Pride and Prejudice-philes”. God knows we are hard to satisfy.
Here is to you Mr.Langton, your next fruit punch is on me.

Sunday, October 22, 2006




Little Women...




Nostalgia does bring out the worst in us…horrible bouts of sweepy,sentimental ramblings that we are so susceptible to, tend to overwhelm and in retrospect embarrass us…but still I shall succumb… today I viewed the 1994 adaptation Louis May Alcott’s fabulous Little Women after a long long time, apart from being a remarkably faithful and yet insightful adaptation ( the director successfully captures Laurie’s sexual tension layered chemistry, with each of the March sisters), it also happens to be one of the family favorites…we quite fancied ourselves to be the March family…sigh…me my sister and her friends…with me playing an androgynous cross of Laurie and Amy (Amy coz I was the youngest )…the sentimentalist in my sister quite liked embracing the tragic character of Beth …and there was a little bit of Joe in all of us…
It also takes me back to those heydays of reading with such unbridled frenzy…of those gilt edged pages of classics like Little Women, Secret Garden and Huckleberry Finn…and those unreasonable myths about peacock feathers doubling when kept in between pages…
Am already regretting this post….
But what the heck …

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Celebrations!!!

As my city’s weathered soul wriggles towards, what the pundits want to call a metamorphosis I can see celebrations all around me…a puddle full of a promoters unfelt guilt plays host to the revelries of dengue causing mosquitoes… open drains gurgle past perfectly respectable middle class neighborhoods in such unbridled glory that they would put Le Corbusier’s carefully designed fountains to shame… and more than anything the populace is celebrating its right to relieve itself anywhere, anytime; school walls, road dividers, electric poles you name a corner and its most likely that an on- the-move Kolkata man is relieving himself there at that very moment…why go to Bohemia for self expression when u have millions of men painting the wall with what seems to be the expressions of their innermost being…

Yay my city is celebrating!!!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Of Sunday afternoons and pointless introspections…

It's Sunday afternoon… The sun is shining and you're relaxing on the couch reading the paper or book you couldn't get into during the week right???

WRONG!!!

Typing out substandard pages on nondescript painters who no one one wants to know about anyway, is more like it…you are, like all slaves of the IT industry, making up for Holidays…welcome to the soulless world of capitalism, where everything is in “lieu” of something…. and suddenly u feel your shoulders tensing up and this dark fog of rage tingle up your spine… “This is not what I bargained for,” you say to yourself “they have *beep*up my *beeping* life” …they don’t care about quality… all they want is pages …and what about my dreams of making the world a better place to live in and all that jazz??? They don’t want to change the world…and I CANT change the world by writing about painters…not unless my answer for world peace is free art classes…
This is where you ask yourself “when exactly did I sell my soul for the price of what now seems like a ridiculously paltry pay packet???” tchah I should have made a better bargain…”

Friday, September 15, 2006

Babel
disambiguation
-a film
-a state of mind

A friend demands that I blog more often…being denied our regular heart to hearts we feel that the only way to understand what’s going on in each others mind is by reading blogs(bah... its a futile exercise only)"but"I protested “I have nothing to say”, “well” she retorted “u never ever say anything at all in ur blog” (I know that bitch was rolling her eyes when she said that)…
After a lot of introspection I realized that, yes I write/talk without pretty much saying anything at all (like am doing now)…but then it isn’t a bad thing at all is it ???Inthis babel of voices and opinions nothing makes sense anyway…

Babel se yaad aaya cant wait to watch the Alejandro González Iñárritu film ....

Monday, September 11, 2006

Riding the auto with Shukla, Bula and Minati
or Vex and the City


It was a perfectly normal Bengali evening …or should I say Kolkata evening …well since both of them are interchangeable it hardly matters (no matter how cosmopolitan it pretends to be, Kolkata is essentially a very Bengali city)…haa so as I was saying it was a very Bengali evening…overcast muggy and the air heavy with a promise of a momentarily relieving shower…the mugginess was very Kolkatalike (you know, the-shirt-sticking- to- your- back-which- in -turn –sticks- to- the- Rexine seat cover muggy…)
And as millions of Kolkatawasis went about mentally devising and scouting their sashti, saptami ashtami couture I too got into the puja groove…
Armed with my first pre-puja salary cheque I made my way to the Shyambazar branch of my conveniently late -evening -service- providing bank….Shyambazar, as any Kolkatan worth his Golbari chicken will tell you, is the fountainhead of the North Kolkata milieu…thousands…nay millions of middle class Bengalis throng its by lanes for all their daily needs- for their banking needs (like yours truly), for shopping and of course for buying those lovely brocade costumes for their little bal gopals…
As I boarded my auto rickshaw from Ultadanga (a very reassuringly centrally located north kolkata junction…reassuring because its only 5 mins away from my home and the moment I get there I know I am almost home…) I wasn’t even aware of the other occupants of the rickshaw (rickshaws are almost always shared in kolkata)…was unconsciously humming a Himesh Reshamiya song and realized what I was doing (much to my chagrin) only when the something more interesting caught my attention …
The other occupants of the vehicle were discussing their puja shopping and husbands…now all through my growing up years I have been reprimanded, chided and ear boxed for listening to adult women talk …but I still shamelessly do so whenever I get the opportunity…women have so much to tell and most of it is so much more interesting than boring old men discussing their ailments, or if they happen to be bong men, their bowel movements…
So I perked up my ears, put on my disinterested look and eavesdropped to their conversation…

There were three thirty something married women (it’s very easy to distinguish a bong married woman by her shakha and pala) with their kids who were obviously out for some shopping after having picked their kids up from school…

“A ladies night out” …I said to myself and smiled as I pictured them walking down the Shyambazar roads a la Sex and the City …none of them in any way resembled Kim Cattrall or Sarah Jessica Parker of course but they were attractive in their own way …the first one was a squat little lady in a salwar kameez …pretty much the Samatha of the group, loud vociferous and brazen she had an air of wildness about her, the other two were both dressed in sari on wore specs and the other had bad teeth …chingri maach (shrimp) like…
To make things convenient, let’s name them …tee hee…I love naming characters…Samantha is….Shukla…the lady with specs is Bula and the shrimp toothed lady is Minati…

From their exchanges and the obvious familiarity I gathered they have been friends for a long time, maybe they were childhood friends…maybe they went to the same school…maybe they wore the definitive red bordered saris to school and saved precious rupees from their pocket money to buy a grand bottle of Gold Spot and some Hajmola candies every week…maybe they exchanged post card pictures of Govinda (na Mithun is more likely no considering it must have been the eighties) and giggled over his barechestedness as their overworked teacher caught up with some precious sleep in sultry afternoon classes…maybe they had discussed their first adolescent kisses behind closed doors as one of their mothers made omelets and tea for them…

Sigh… I digress…so were we??? Yes they were discussing shopping and husbands…Shukla aka Samantha went on about her purchases and how enthusiastic her seemingly metrosexual husband is to pick up clothes for her…a visibly piqued Minati retorted that her husband was magnanimous enough to give her a free reign of the shopping and didn’t interfere at all, making it clear that she didn’t appreciate any kind of male interference in what obviously is a female bastion…and then Shukla dropped her bombshell she very gleefully announced that her husband picked up skirts and jeans for her and goaded her to wear them… no one had a suitable retort to that…poor Bula seemed quite vexed with the proclamation …she very hesitantly asked if wearing skirts will be considered inappropriate…at which both her friends laughed…and then she went on to ask she whether she will have to buy petticoats and slips to go with them…clearly Bulas quaint world of five sarees and a salwar kameez was shattered forever…I couldn’t help giving them a smile as I disembarked the auto…but they didn’t notice …Minati and Shukla were busy explaining the technicalities of skirt wearing to Bula……

Tuesday, August 29, 2006



Of gajars and steel Tiffin boxes…

A self-prescribed diet has had somewhat satisfactory results for me (ask someone who has been plagued with three tiers around his stomach what it means to achieve two tierdom…) but this satisfaction came at a cost (whoever said that there is a free ride to success was probably blow jobbing his/her {isnt it wonderful to be politically correct is such contexts ...tee hee}way to glory)…and the cost came in the shape of a phallic root vegetable (there is an impressive term for root vegetables which I cant for the life of me remember)…gajar or carrot…

Much to the amusement of my chole bature (yumm), Chow chow (we Bengalis call noodles chow chow …we are a weird race aren’t we …sigh…) and alu paratha-devouring colleagues my tiffin comprises gajar and cucumber (and the fact that the box happens to be a quaint lil steel one doesn’t help either)…so obviously have managed to become a lunchtime outcast in the office (they crack gajar jokes behind my back) …sigh…

Social stigma apart gajar has been a bane of my existence in many different ways…it doesn’t suit my system you see…causes …errm… lets say …acidity…

So after much consultation (with my friendly neighborhood sabziwalla, who insists that he will provide me with a tastier, cheaper alternative) have decided that …

Its goodbye gajar

And hello radish…:)



An indignant Utpal Dutt to J. Om Prakash when he is wrongly accused of being a smuggler (those were the innocent days of smugglers, smugglers who would smuggle <>gold biscuits and if he happened to be sinister… this happened only in Ramesh Sippy movies…then he smuggled … gasp…hashish) -“Aap Police Officer nahi, aap foolish officer hai…”(You aren’t a police officer, you are a foolish officer)-Gol Maal (1979)

An embarrassed Jaya Bhadhuri answers, when her elder sister questions her about the ring that her boy friend (who the sister thinks, is a married man) has given her (the ring has his initial -S)- “woh mera naam hain na Vasudha v-a-S-u-d-h-a usi ka S hai” (the S stands for the S in my name v-a-S-u-d-h-a) Chupke Chupke (1975)

Utpal Dutt wants to confront a petrified Dina Pathak but is faced with the Herculean challenge of being able to sit on the moving swing she is perched on. Gol Maal (1979)

Amol Palekar to Utpal Dutt (punning on the moustache imbroglio): "Aapke aur mere beech baal barabar bhi deewar na khadi ho paaye (No wall, not even one as thin as a strand of hair, should form a barrier between us)." Gol Maal (1979)

Hrishikesh Mukherjee the master of Wodehousian comedies is dead…
With him dies Bollywood’s ability to create a space where the middle class man/woman (oof am done being politically correct…waitaminute person seems good enough)…middle class person then J… could throw his/her/ their head back and laugh at himself/herself/themselves (pheww)
Bbye Hrishida (is it presumptuous of me to address him with this term of endearment??? And much too corny too don’t u think…. sigh….)

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Malaise

Disclaimer; any kind of judgment being passed on me based on my innermost thoughts will be incredibly unfair…on second thoughts go ahead judge me whatdoicare…hmmmph…

Its one of those days when u discover your fecundness (I wanted to use the word "prolificness" but this annoying MS word insists that there is no such word and innumerable embarrassing incidents have taught me that MS word is almost always right when it comes to spelling and words)…little failures make u think and ponder over your abilities, but if u are me they take u to this incredible pall of malicious gloom where you questions the ability of those around you and make you dismiss them without even giving them a flicker of a chance (oh he is this upstart wannabe who shamelessly sucks up to the boss, she isn’t even from a proper college… she is after all, ridiculously ugly and has to let her work speak for her)…. am hoping penning this down will help me come in terms with that very malaise of mine….


Desire des yeux

A rain swept office afternoon
And my glare stained eyes
Pines
For a splash of ciefl
Will you? Shall you? Can you?
Asks my weathered mind
As I gather the strength
To revert to a state of indecision
From a state of decaying status quo

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

The other day (people like me are infinitely grateful for such phrases as “other day”, makes our inability to remember dates seem so …philosophical) a friend of mine (well she is not exactly a friend, its just that a bunch of us got along very well when we met in Pune when we went there for an interview about 3 yrs ago and have bothered to keep in touch ever since) emailed me (well it was more of a group mail) saying how happy she was with her husband attached a few “hum saath saath hai” snaps of her family (she also very significantly and disturbingly attached a disclaimer to the mail which said that she knows that her husband is better looking than her and she is all the more happier for it)… this particular email was the latest in the series of Latvia ‘s (that’s obviously not her name but I love the ring of it, and yes I know it’s the name of a Balkan country, so I wanna pseudonym my friend after a country…kill me for it) “Great Indian Wedding” series…this particular series started about a year ago when Latvia (tee hee) suddenly out of blue, mailed announcing(much to our dismay) that she is getting married in a weeks time and will not continue with her mass comm. degree from a perfectly respectable institute (I specify the respectability of the institute coz its important for me) …much to the annoyance of the feminists in us she went on to say she obviously wont work after her marriage and will keep house for her “wonderful” husband….this mail was followed by other mails at regular intervals which kept us updated with each and every significant event of her married life…the stress was always on/ in (?) the happiness factor…she would never forget to mention how happy she was …now the cynic in me drew my own morbid conclusions-unhappy, unfulfilled life tantamount to a superficial show of happiness…add to that her “my husband better looking than me comment” and you have a minor tragedy in your hand ( my eyes actually did well up after reading that particular statement) but then is saw the snaps …and she did actually seem ….happy…and her husband really was…better looking (this may seem horrendously politically incorrect but he really was )…

So why then the need to constantly establish her happiness??? I decided to read through our exchanges…and found the answer…it was me...I made her do that (and maybe many other “so called” liberated friends of hers)…my cynicism was so palpable in my mails that its not funny…she was only trying to reassure us that she neednt live up to our definition of happiness to be happy …she has found happiness in what we may think to be a constricting life…who am I /we to question that…
Here is to u and your better-looking husband Latvia …may u always be “happy”….

Saturday, August 05, 2006

well...i work now...let me rephrase that... i write...
am supposedly a travel writer...
but i write about paintings...
surprised ???
well dont be...life is full of lil mishaps like me...
this is one of the sadder pieces i wrote ...but i like it coz its about an art form i was quite happy to discover...i wont go on about constrictive nature of writin for website (the repetitive use of certain keywords)

Thangka Paintings

Thangka Paintings are composite three-dimensional products of art, which derive their themes from Buddhist philosophies. They are essentially religious objects and are of great significance to the Tibetan Buddhists. These beautifully crafted banners are generally hung on monastery walls; they are also an integral part of Buddhist religious processions.

The Tibetan word “ Thang” means a flat surface, which when suffixed with “ ka ”( painting) means “a flat painting” or a “painting on a flat surface”. These paintings are generally done on flat surfaces but they offer the option of being rolled up when not being displayed, a la scroll paintings.

Thangka-the structure

A Thangka comprises a painted or embroidered picture panel, a mounting, which is further embellished with a silk cover, wooden dowels at the top and bottom, leather corners and beautiful metal or wooden decorative knobs on the bottom dowel.

The Philosophy behind the Thangka Paintings

Most art forms, specially the religious ones hardly ever follow the doctrine of artistic intent, rarely, if ever, do they display personal vision and creativity. The overwhelming Buddhist Philosophy dominates the theme and execution of these paintings. Little wonder that most Thangka Painters have remained anonymous, as have the tailors who have made the mountings.
Essentially, Thangkas are records or pictorial depictions of contemplative experiences. Buddhist monks when instructed by their teachers to imagine themselves in specific situation for meditations, use the Thangkas as their reference point.

The themes of Thangka Paintings

Most Thangka Paintings have the tri-dimensional Mandala as the centerpiece. A geometrical representation of the universe, the Mandalas, depicts the enlightened minds and souls of revered Buddhist monks. Most Mandalas have the venerated deity Vajrakaliya or Vajrakumara as the focal point. This fearful deity has the power to transform acts of cowardice and selfishness into acts of wisdom and compassion. He is considered to be a great source of will power for the monks who have to lead ascetic lives. Other religious deities and iconographies too find their place in this complex yet geometrically flawless mode of art.
Some Thangkas represent the deity Shakyamuni in different imaginary places like palaces and secluded monasteries.
Most of these paintings have a complex web of minor figures that signify different aspects of the dominant philosophy. One has to cross various levels of earthly temptations, spiritual redundancy and physical moorings, to reach the center of perfection, which is represented by the deity Shakyamuni. The colors and style of Thangka Paintings
Thangkas, primarily have black, gold and red backgrounds. Some however use multicolored backgrounds too, but they are a rarity. They are mostly painted on cotton canvases and the canvas is tempered with herbal solutions before the painting. The colors used are natural water-soluble pigments. Most Thangkas employ the mathematics of geometry to create systematic grids of angles and lines. These lines are embellished with colorful figures of monks, flora and fauna. The vast palate of colors is used but the dominant ones certainly has to be red, gold, orange and blue. Blue is the color to represent certain deities. The brushstrokes are delicate yet confident and these paintings are characterized by their fluidity.

Thangka Paintings in India

The ancient art of Thangka Paintings is practiced in Buddhist dominated areas of India. Dharmashala , which has a sizable settlement of Tibetans, can be called the hotbed of Thangka Painting in India.
The west has seen Thangka as nothing more than a decorative art piece for all these years this perception is thankfully changing as the west is gradually being sensitized to the Buddhist Philosophy.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

It's a traffic jam when you're already late…

Things do go wrong …and boy does that bug you…just when u hope everything will work out …things go woefully wrong…like timing your journey to the last second so that u don’t have to face the dreadful perpetually belching, bowel- movement -discussing Calcutta suburban railway crowd…and the train u take happens to be the most crowded one coz the previous two have been cancelled…

It’s a good advice that u just didn’t take…

U scamper in unsure, scared and extremely vulnerable…but u decide to put up a brave front…u wont be a sitting duck, u tell urself…u will give it back to them, these hardened local train veterans, so as they go about their card playing huddles and vendor harassing sessions, u tentatively try to get a toehold…and then u look around…only to catch a burly man staring at u and then u look away and then again u look up and *gasp* he beckons to u …SEXUAL HARASSMENT u want to scream …but keeping in mind the homophobic nature of the suburbs u try and restrain urself and look away muttering abuses under ur breath…the train comes to a halt and the burly man brushes past u telling u “arre bhai bhalai ka toh zamaana hi nahi raha , seat de rahe they aapko” ( seeing my discomfiture he was offering me his seat as he was anyway disembarking in the next stop) …sigh…

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on youLife has a funny, funny way of helping you outHelping you out…

U reconcile to the idea of being hustled and bustled all through the 2 hour long journey and begin to take some kinda perverse pleasure from bodily contact (who am I kiddin u hate it )…u begin to take notice of the delightful samples of humanity and gleefully mindmark them …a vendor offering a “world famous in India” deal catches ur attention …he is offerin a comb, a set of 10 ballpoint pens and an issue of cosmopolitan for all of 10 bucks …a steal by any standards… as u try and connect his wares and draw up an endearing mental picture of a suburban long tressed Bengali housewife combing her hair while jottin down recipes with a pen from the issue of cosmopolitan …and u wake up from ur reverie to find an almost empty compartment, u blink ur eyes in disbelief and then seat urself in a comfortable corner saying to urself-

It is ironic …
I really do think

Tuesday, July 11, 2006




Threptin Dadu…

Sometimes people tend to be associated with things…this holds specially true for people whose idiosyncrasies overtake their persona…
My grandfather meant a lot of things to me …but even today when I close my eyes and think about him I can smell the wonderful scent of cigarettes mixed with brylcreem and Johnson baby lotion…
Of his weird habits which were supplemented with weird things…the capstan cigarette papers that he always used…the blue packet of tobacco that he made me rush to the neighbourhood pan shops for…his aversion to certain spices (garam masala and coconut) which he insisted he was allergic to but my grandma persistently put them in her delightful curries (for she could never compromise on taste) without his knowledge…and surprise of surprises, he never was affected…his packet of threptin biscuits which he believed were the only safe biscuits to eat in this spurious goods infested market (we wud never touch that saw -dust tasting things despite of his repeated cajoling) and of course that grotesque tasting toothpaste called emoform which so much looked like a tube of shaving cream that even today I have my doubts whether my grandpa has been using shaving cream as a tooth paste all his life (that wud explain his yellowing teeth )…his firm belief that all these electronic water purifying gadgets were hogwash and the only way to get pure water was to use the contraption called zero b…

Nirmalendu Bhattacharya, my grandfather was 74 yrs old when he breathed his last breath…I didn’t get to see him alive after I bid him goodbye two years ago…
Come back Dadu, this time I will have the threptin biscuits… I promise…

Friday, June 30, 2006

The Seventh Seal

The other Bergman film which has really moved me is, of course his eternal classic “The Seventh Seal”…I talk about it in one of my assignments …here is an excerpt…

When I sit down to write this assignment after having sampled the work of both Bergman and Tarkovsky, I can’t help but put my feelings in words… While Tarkovsky’s films are characterized by what I call “meditative plodding”, Bergman's films are tighter - he is able to more effectively advance his own doubts and speculations to a dramatic end - and also, his body of work more diverse. Bergman's films are disturbing, funny, eerie, tragic, and always well-paced, no matter how introspective the subject matter.
The Seventh Seal is the first film that comes to ones mind (at least mine) when one talks about his effective way of giving a resolution to dramatic tension.
Towards the end of the film, after the storm has blown over and Joff and his family are shown to have survived it, Joff is witness to the eerie dance of death-one of the best…no probably the best silhouette shot I have ever seen- and he doesn’t seem to be horrified or shocked by it, on the contrary, he obviously is mesmerized by it.
And that is the true resolution of the film for me, the same visionary Joff who was so intimidated by Deaths presenc’e, that he had to escape the group (one could also attribute this decision to his good sense), seems to be the ideal audience of this dance…for he has learnt the most valuable lesson of his life, that death is a perpetually around but the gift given to mankind is his ability to live as though he is immortal.
Joff and Mia (one can’t help but draw parallels with Joseph and Mary) are the quintessential survivors; because they are blessed with the innocence of a well rounded domestic life…they will form communities. But the Squire and the Knight are the peripheral figures: they can never be a part of communities, because they have been tainted by knowledge…which is why the scene where Mia offers him strawberry and milk, is so poignant, the Knight who is initially reluctant to accept, eventually gives in to the warmth of the domestic scene, only to realize that Death and a game of chess is waiting for him.
The Knight, in The Seventh Seal, seems to me more of a Tarkovskian character, because he seems to be philosophizing as much as the director…many a times in the movie one feels that , the Knight has reached his philosophical limit and can now only gaze into the unknown…
The Squire, who is as much of a thinker as the Knight, seems to be less challenged (probably because he does not have death hovering over his shoulder), he is someone who seems to think without philosophizing…
Bergman like Tarkovsky, produces brilliant visual metaphors, but unlike Tarkovsky they are not self generating, they are conscious and cryptically are so…the dance of death metaphor in The Seventh Seal is a recurrent one, through frescos and other little pointers, Bergman leads us to the climactic spectacle.
His other, more obvious visual metaphors, like death playing chess, are more subjective…to me it means that life is like a game of chess where everything is leading to one inevitable resolution, death…
One might wonder why am I copy pasting my assignments in my blog …well firstly because I want to talk about these things(don’t roll ur eyes I really do) and secondly and more importantly coz I have been giving my blog link to my interviewers…impression ka sawaal hai…

Friday, June 23, 2006

After a particularly bitter argument with my mother today, I sought solace in a Bergman movie (not a very good idea as anyone who has seen anything by Bergman will tell you)…the film I chose to watch was, not very surprisingly, Autumn Sonata…now before I go on to discuss the movie I need to give a background, in other words a detailed account of my love affair with European Cinema ( regulars will remember the almost rejected Tarkovsky assignment…sigh , who am I kidding there are no regulars)…In my last semester as a MA student I had taken a course on European cinema in which in between dozing off in a comfortable air conditioned room and being told off for bunking classes I had managed to catch a few life changing films (ok am not very comfortable with this sentence, but u get the point right?)…a diary of Bergman films was to be maintained as an assignment , but I did not include Autumn Sonata in it , mainly because of two reasons, firstly I wanted to discuss other movies more urgently and secondly(is there any such word as secondly??? Ummm …whateva) secondly…I cant for the life of me remember the second reason…ok lets not digress here…the point being, I didn’t get to discuss Autumn Sonata in my assignment so I have tried to discuss it here , in my blog…Jesus!!! I used to take pride in being comprehensive and concise…higher education na….
Autumn Sonata, happened to be my first Bergman film in colour, and what struck me was his generous use of it.
For a director who had used Black & White with such resolute understatement, he sure did go overboard with colour, or so I felt.
Autumn, is, I presume, a season of violent colours in Europe…the over ripened atmosphere which is waiting to be muted by the dullness of winter, dazzles before it flickers out…
And so is the story of Eva and Charlotte, their relationship is at the last leg of alienation, but yet there are so many things which have been left unsaid…
Bergman is relentlessly despairing in this chamber drama about a daughter and her love story with her mother. Hs worlds were characterized by a sense of hope in his earlier film; in Autumn Sonata he creates a world of unspoken guilt and incredible tension.
And the colours seem to add to the tension…when Charlotte walks in a resplendent red dress, and is automatically contrasted with the drab Eva, one feels the confrontation coming…
The piano scene, where ingrid and Liv ullman react to each others interludes, is a very important one, because Bergman is one of the few directors who can make his actors live their roles, the gamut of emotions that their faces register says volumes about their troubled relationship…
Though Bergman does not give his characters the place or the liberty of “inner breathing” that Tarkovsky does, he ironically manages to flesh out more poignant characters.
Music in Autumn Sonata is an inseparable element of the story…Chopins interludes are used to the best possible effect, rightly encompassing in its folds the pain and the violence of the relationships that we see crumble in the screen.
Strangely even the most uplifting interludes which are in a warped way, in harmony with the visuals, fail to rescue us from the feeling of gloom that envelopes us along with the characters.
Helenas character is introduced as a trigger by Bergman but she ends up being more, for she in her heart has nurtured a love which will make her a survivor. Charlotte who refuses to see things as they are has to gaze at her own reflection in the train to finally surrender to her fate.
Eva will continue to live a life of denial, for she has been denied what she has wanted most in life, love.
Autumn Sonata left me wondering, why should we be subjected to such despair in the grabs of such deceptive beauty…

Monday, June 19, 2006

Have been home exactly for 96 hours now…and haven’t unpacked yet…not only because I was busy doing things I had to do, but probably because home is no longer home now…stifling kolkata heat remains the same and so does my mothers need to control each and every aspect of my life and yet I am not home…
Does that mean I was more at home in Hyderabad, amongst likeminded ppl??? Not necessarily…for there was an intense need to escape that set up too…
(yaa I know this is dangerously turning out to be one of those angst ridden self introspective pieces so lets shift gear)…
what am I sayin …am home and am happy…yay…I guess…: (
umm…here is the lyrics of the song I have been listnin to in loop for the last 4 days…its dido and am sure half of the world knows all about her…but then the other half is just getting to discover her…indulge us…

Sand in my shoes

Two weeks away feels like the whole world should have changed
but I'm home now and things still look the sameI think I'll leave it till tomorrow to unpack, try to forget for one more night that I'm back in my flat
on the road where the cars never stop going through the night
to a life where I can't watch the sunset, I don't have time, I don't have time
I've still got sand in my shoes and I can't shake the thought of you
I should get on, forget you but why would I want to
I know we said goodbye, anything else would've been confused
but I want to see you againtomorrow's back to work and down to sanity
should run a bath and then clear up the mess I made before I left here
try to remind myself that I was happy here before I knew that I could get on a plane and fly away
from the road where the cars never stop going through the night
to a life where I can watch the sunset and take my time, take all our time
I've still got sand in my shoes and I can't shake the thought of you
I should get on forget you but why would I want to
I know we said goodbye, anything else would've been confused
but I want to see you again
two weeks away, all it takes, to change and turn me around I've fallen
I walked away, and never said, that I wanted to see you again...

Wednesday, June 14, 2006


Remains of a life…
As I scrape down the last shirt off my wardrobe(for that’s how I pack), It dawns upon me that this probably the last time I will see the insides of this room…smell myself in it…
And as I look out of the window to wipe away a tear (yes I indulge in a lot of drama…) I see the clothesline where I used to hang my frantically washed clothes twice a day ( for am an obsessive washer)…
We tend to sentimentalise everything don’t we...sigh…
The comp which connected me to u all now has to be safely cushioned in its cardboard box so that it can withstand (along with me) a 27 hour long journey across the Andhra Coast, Orissa and then rain swept, lush Bengal…
And then of course there are the remains…little things that I can’t bring myself to discard…a bunch of 10 downing street coasters (which a giggling Ug and I flicked from the hallowed pub, what I, a teetotaler was doin in a pub is a different question altogether)…
Catalogues of various art exhibitions we visited for our incredibly lame Modern Indian Art course…stupid withdrawn magazines from the British council library that I never read but took just coz they were for free (I mean why would I ever read Science today…)
Brochures of plays that I went to…gift wrappers which I always neatly fold and keep under my mattress…Film Club posters which I so passionately made (what a fool I was to think that they will ever be appreciated)…
things that I will not need…
For they are the remains of a life I am leaving behind…
p.s.the pic is that of a sunset as viewed from our terrace...it was captured by the myriad minded "myriadmind"...

Monday, June 12, 2006

Solan said...hummm Shyamalee said... hi.. so nice reflection. I too feel Happiness is something to be found... not to be searched myriadmind said... hey ...that rhymed so nicelyAjay said... Pehla Nasha is d best . Immortal :) Anonymous said... earlier it looked like you could only bullshit…you have variety too reality check said..hey anonymous! don't you dare trouble serend.. beas hyphasis said... beautiful! Comment Deleted uglygirl said...hullo!!! miss you!!come back quickL>T said... That's all well & good, but what is the name of the movie? arunima said... Accha, is this a sketch of a court room proceedings during the days of the Raj? the white man and the moslem , gave me this impression. and ur description was wonderfuly graphic. the fool on the hill said...
look in the sky..its a bird, its a plane, a
ballistic missile....aiiiiieeeeeee...no, no, its Loverboy to the rescue!he's here to save serendipiduous. weep not, child. weep not. muaaaaaaah

i love comments

Thursday, June 08, 2006


juhi is lookin cute no...

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Happiness is a grossly overrated and, a mythical state of being…
All my life like any other normal human being I have aspired for that elusive state of being…
But to no avail…
In retrospect I think in between moments of peace and contentment, with family and friends, happiness began and ended…
Ironically , I couldn’t recognize it…

We rarely feel it.I would buy it, beg it, steal it,Pay in coins of dripping bloodFor this one transcendent good…



Would u believe me
If I told you
In my fifth birthday
Life gifted love to me
Wrapped in pain
Tied with humiliation
Love has come to mean
Much more than a rosy vision…

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Anyone who has anything to do with me, knows by now how this incredibly popular search engine wronged me by not offering me a job…
But what they don’t know (and I didn’t either, till I replayed the whole interview over and over again in my mind) is how I managed to muck up everything…
All I remember are the good bits- this incredible and finely balanced combination of apprehension (overconfidence will put them off, a lil bit of nervousness and apprehension is good, it shows earnestness) and confidence that I apparently exude, the doctored honesty ( “I was disillusioned with my graduation results, I can probably blame it on lack of hard work, but I personally feel I was punished for being overtly creative”…read- I sleepwalked my way through my graduation years and thank god I can blame my poor show on Calcutta University’s notorious rigidity…) and of course the ever disarming smile…
But the not so good patches will and has answered all my questions and doubts…
Sample this-
Interviewer: why this incredibly popular search engine???
Me: I knew this was coming…well …maybe coz of the freebies that you offer…*nervous laugh*…no just kidding *damage control*…

Interviewer: how will all your cultural studies courses (feminism today, modern western thinkers etc) help you in your job?

Me: ummm this is where I say something wonderfully impressive and bowl you over don’t I… but I am really drawing blanks…*trying to melt the interviewer with my 100 watt smile, who seems suitably amused* am sorry but am still drawing blanks…

I managed a semblance of an answer only after a minute or so (but boy did it seem like eternity)

So the next time i come to any of u for any kind of sympathy regarding this particular failure, u know what to say…

Thursday, May 18, 2006



I was born in Kohima and have spent the first 8 years of my life there; therefore I would like to believe that, my understanding of the Naga identity will be better rounded than the popular stereotypical one. For I, at least will refrain from attributing the most ridiculous stereotypes to the Naga Identity…or will I???
“Oh, they eat dogs there don’t they”…”are there still head hunters there???”…”where is Nagaland???” …these are the frequent questions I have to encounter when I reveal my Nagaland connection…
My answers to them are obviously not important, but what is important is the fact that these questions are asked, not out of curiosity, but with a touch of disdain and mockery…

My stay in Nagaland was very fruitful one and was during the most impressionable years of my life…for even at that young age, through my interaction with my Naga neighbours and friends I realized that we might share a common space but we live in different worlds… For me they will always be these wonderfully colourful race which I admire and in a way exoticise ,but never can be a part of, and for them I will always be the plain manu (people from the plains) who can be befriended but never be trusted…
Never have I mad a conscious effort to see the world through their “chinky” eyes. Never have I questioned my understanding of their difference…
The Naga Identity has been always been a topical one , mainly because of the ethnic clashes which has brought almost 50 years of unrest in this incredibly picturesque state…
In fact it would appear that any determined young man of any of the region’s numerous ethnic groups can proclaim the birth of a new national liberation organisation, raise funds to buy weapons or procure them by aligning with other militant groups and quickly become an important political player.
The sheer number of militant organisations in the region is extraordinary. But what interests me as a fence sitter, (for I like to believe that my unique history gives me a more or less unbiased viewpoint) is the implication of this cultural militancy, that has coloured the pan India perception of the Naga Identity…
An ethnic groups which cannot be pinned down to a conventional structure ,is always problematic…For historians always need to label ethnicity… and unfortunately Indian policy discourse on the region has gone little beyond the colonial cliches of tribals and non-tribals…
Ever since independence Nagas have been asking for something which I think is incredibly unfeasible…to be seen as not a part of India…for they never see themselves as Indians, (nor do we)…but I consider it unfeasible because of the fact that their ethnicity should not be a reason for their alienation…the topography of their state can be a reason …but will it not be a shame on me if I fail to see my Naga friend as a fellow Indian…
But then you may ask why should that stop them from seeing themselves as different and wanting to be granted that difference …maybe because perceptions shapes identity and vice versa…
I don’t know if I make any sense at all , but my understanding of the Naga identity is that its Naga, nothing more nothing less (or so I wud like to believe)…

Sunday, May 14, 2006


1992
A year full of painful realizations and pleasurable discoveries (if you know what I mean)…the 10th year of my life was eventful in many ways, but a single event (or should I call it a phenomenon) coloured my view of life that year. A movie which affected me like no other, not because it was a brilliant piece of movie making, but because it was... the enunciation of my preadolescent emotions…
Some things in life take on a entirely new meaning without meaning to, they begin to stand for your personal stories, crushes, tragedies…
Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikander was one such thing...
And yet now some 13 years after I sneaked out for a first day first show of it in Hind theatre (Kolkata), I relate to it, but very differently…an incredible feeling of loss that most people call nostalgia overwhelms me and I am left pining for those horrible painful yet beautiful years…
This post, like most of my other posts, is not so much about Jo jeeta Wohi Sikander as it is about me…I amaze myself with my insularity…
But for the uninitiated Jo Jeeta wohi Sikander is a cult Bollywood classic,which the incredibly promising Mansoor Khan (why,why,why did he make Josh???) made right after his incredibly successful (and another personal favourite) Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak (1988)…
Since I love this movie so much and I am in an incredibly JJWS mood I will provide you stupid unJJWSed guys with a synopsis too…
Sporting rivalry has always existed between the three main schools, namely the one for the rich and wealthy, Rajput; St. Xavier's (boys); St. Anne's (girls); and for the not-so-wealthy, Model School. Ratanlal Verma (Mamik), from Model School, is the prime candidate for the cycling championship, with his main rival being Shekhar Malhotra (Deepak Tijori) from Rajput. As the day for the competition draws to a close, the rivalry gets intense and personal. With Ratanlal's easy-going brother, Sanjaylal (Aamir Khan), getting involved with one of rich girls, Devika (Pooja Bedi), he lies to her that he is a student at St. Xavier's, much to the chargin of Shekhar. Sanjaylal gets exposed and dumped by Devika and is thrown out of the house by his father, Ramlal Verma (Kulbhushan Kharbanda), for stealing money. Then Ratanlal is in an accident that may leave him incapable of participating in the competition. It looks like Shekhar is all set to win the race without much competition from anyone from St. Xavier's College and Model School…
Sigh…pehla nasha pehla khumaar…

Wednesday, May 10, 2006


The ordeal of the undecidable

Decision is the ability to form firm opinions and stick by them.
Decision in the world of justice is something that “cuts”, “divides”, it is supposed have in its fold the “initiative” to read understand and interpret the rule .
But what do I mean when I say “it cuts it divides”? It cuts because it’s supposed to be equitable and proportional.
This decision which cuts and divides also gives birth to the concept of the undecidable which is not merely an “oscillation” between two contradictory and valid rules it is also an experience which forces us to take account of the various dynamics involved in the process (e.g. in a particularly difficult trial one takes into consideration various dynamics of a situation and then comes to, if not a correct, the most valid decision).
A decision which doesn’t suffer the ordeal of undecision is not an autonomous decision at all its just a natural unfolding of an ongoing process, it s not just and fair, because if you don’t think and debate over any decision then you are only going with the flow (e.g. if I want to buy a pair Nike shoes I need to debate with myself about the viability of the purchase, if I don’t I am just falling for the Capitalist dream).
Even if we do arrive to a seemingly correct and just decision, the decision doesn’t remain the same it is engaged in a dynamic process and is reinventing itself and is therefore no longer just according to the context, decision in fact was never at all completely just, either it was never according to any rule and even if it was the rule could have been colored by other factors and was therefore not “guaranteed”. Coming back to my Nike example, even if I do argue myself into buying the Nike shoes (bringing in the durability, comfort factors) it will be because of a predecision , i.e. I will argue with myself only to convince myself and not otherwise.
Therefore the unbearable agony of undecision is not just a process to come to a conclusive decision it’s the only way to engage in a discussion involving the pros and cons of a given situation, so what if its end product (the decision) is still tainted by discrepancies it would at least be less tainted and coloured than an undebated one.

Sunday, May 07, 2006


Sometimes I flatter myself by saying that I will capture those incredible things that eyes almost sees and the soul feels…the relief of summer evenings, the nip of the first winter draught, the flaming flowers that burn against the green of the grass, the feeling of incredible helplessness that overwhelms me when the first tear is dispelled from my obstinate eyes…
But then I am no Vincent and I cant paint eloquent…

Monday, May 01, 2006


"Until one morning in mid-November of 1959, few Americans - in fact, few Kansans - had ever heard of Holcomb. Like the waters of river, like the motorists on the highway, and like the yellow trains streaking down the Santa Fe tracks, drama, in the shape of exceptional happenings, had never stopped there."

Bennet Miller’s Capote is a story about two men who could have been each other but weren’t…its also about love found in most incredibly dismal surroundings …but more than anything else,its about the pain of not being understood, of alienation…
Truman Capote found immortal fame with his “non-fictional novel” In Cold blood…Capote tries to trace the story behind ‘genre creating novel’, but in the process also manages to bring forward the angst of not being seen for what one is, or maybe not knowing what one is…the existential crisis that is a recurrent theme in so many of effective biopics seems to be its theme too, but the sub conscious of the movie has different tales to tell…it leads the audience to the problematic position of judging ones own sense of right and wrong ...
Truman Capote tries to justify his fondness for Perry Smith (one of the killers of the infamous Kansas murder case) by saying “its like we were brought up in the same house…I took the front door out and he took the back door…”
I wonder what if I had taken the back door out??? Or horror of horrors, what if I HAVE taken the back door out…

Thursday, April 27, 2006


I hate the uncertainty that is life now…
But I love the feeling of not knowing what tomorrow holds too, for every decision I make now will shape something as concrete as a career …and a job will not be some intangible myth that everyone talks about but never experiences…and phrases like “settling down”, “future prospects”, “bank balance” and “provident fund” will colour my hitherto bohemian vocabulary…
And these overwhelming realities do unsettle me for I have chosen to ignore the adult responsible being in me for much too long …am 24 and haven’t ever held a position of responsibility (professional or not so professional) in my life, which makes me, in polite terms a “carefree guy”, and in not so polite terms a “loser”…
And now that I have something/someone wonderful in my life, I would like to live life as it should be, with responsibility and independence…
Tomorrow, after all is all about what you couldn’t do today…

Sunday, April 23, 2006

All through my growing up years, there would be nights when I would wake up with my heart beating violently, and I would lie in terror, unable to fathom the cause of my dark despicable fear…
Little did I know that they were the ghosts of my unresolved present haunting me…
Now that I have exorcised those ghosts, I dream of a bittersweet life without unfathomable fears…
Am happy and am in love…

Monday, April 17, 2006

My labour of love was flung on my face (well almost)...

Five hours of pure meditation produced something which , am if not proud of , quite happy with...i rush to my course instructor only to be told that he doesnt want me in his course (well cant blame him, i slept through his course, bunked classes and did not submit assignments)...but that doesnt take anything away from those five hours of "intense academic concentration"....

Tarkovsky's Sacrifice...

Anyone could characterize Tarkovsky's work as meditative plodding, which is both right and wrong: the meditation is often rewarding and always more intellectually appealing than the work of most other filmmakers, but it can also venture into the realm of the ponderously ponderous. Who is doing more philosophizing, Tarkovsky or his characters? Sometimes I cannot tell, and those instances lack the immediacy of an artist (in the guise of the character) poignantly reaching his philosophical limit and an emotional climax at which he can only gaze helplessly into the unknown. At such times, Tarkovsky momentarily loses control of his themes, and that some of his films more or less lack clear resolutions (and I don't mean simple or reassuring in the Spielbergian sense, but simply that we are able to discern without mistake what remains) seems to emphasize this. But that doesn’t take away anything from the spiritual world he creates through the journey of his characters…
In Tarkovsky's last film, The Sacrifice, we see the hero, in a black-and-white sequence, running from a house in which we have just seen a nude young woman in a bedroom. We then see him wandering in a large garden, where he picks up some small coins from the mud and rotting leaves, before freezing into immobility amidst the falling snow and the old trees, which thanks to his brilliant camera work seems to be a part of his being. The eerie calmness of this sequence is akin to the feeling of waking up after a horrible nightmare, but it is neither one nor the other, its something in between nightmare and reality. It seems to be a feeling captured in celluloid. Something which is as personal as inner breathing. The tangibility of which, seeps in only after you meditate on it.
This particular scene is quintessential Tarkovsky, not because it is characterized by his trademark craftsmanship, but because it carries within its fold, Tarkovsky’s understanding of the human nature.
The Sacrifice is a story of lack of spirituality in mankind; it’s about Alexander, a journalist and former actor and philosopher, who tells his little son how worried he is about the lack of spirituality of modern mankind. In the night of his birthday, the third world war breaks out. In his despair Alexander turns himself in a prayer to God, offering him everything to have the war not happened at all.In his attempt to charter the spiritual journey of his protagonist, Tarkovsky, meticulously depicts, through visual metaphors, the spiritual journey of the mankind.
In the opening scene of The Sacrifice the hero's son and a postman appear on the shore of a bay, where the hero - before a motionless camera, no a very slowly moving camera - is transplanting a withered sapling. They approach as if they were dragging along the vastness of the whole world outside from over the horizon. Their garrulousness (the postman) and their silence (the mute son) seem to form a complete, "synthesized" chord with the hero's soliloquy, in which they gradually join. The use of sound in Tarkovsky's films is legendary, however. His unique "music" which almost always manages to unsettle me, is intrusive, discreet by turns, at odds with, and in harmony with the images, is an inseparable element of the director's vision. Even if we take only The Sacrifice, we find images on the screen accompanied by the sound of an unseen coin tapping (as the tired hero falls asleep on the couch), a loose sheet of corrugated iron clattering in the breeze (as the introduction to a scene showing the Alexander's son asleep), and distant music and ancient chants in Swedish or Japanese (hence remote in space and time). The sounds themselves transport the visual to a distant setting, to other lands and other times, which provide the indispensable counterpoint to its present reality.
The spiritualization is not limited to human beings; his brilliant use of light manages to breath life to the most inanimate objects, giving them spirituality, and through them an understanding of his spiritual world begins to develop. A gleaming porcelain jug, which carries within its fullness the satisfaction of human thirst, is given its due screen time…
The cupboard, whose door twice opens beside one of the characters without anyone touching it, has a life of its own…
It is not that everything in it is inseparably tangible, sensual, and "spiritual", that the outward form of things cannot be divorced from their emotive significance, from the investigation of their inner meaning - his films are unmistakable evidence of the functioning of one person's subjective vision. Tarkovsky’s vision is self generating , it constantly needs to be subjectified, in fact at times one feels that these are images that the director did not invent but allowed to happen…
In brief, this film seems to have been created almost in the biblical sense, as something with an independent existence. And through the movie one experiences the world with redoubled intensity.Tarkovsky's images are not merely the product of his inner vision; they also have the ability independently to increase and multiply infinitely… during the fire scene in a nearby meadow we find a replica of the hero's house reduced to the size of a child's toy. As it was evidently placed here by the hero's son, as a birthday present for his father, it suggests an image of the future taking shape in the present, the reduplication of the present in the future...
In Tarkovsky's work, childhood is a treasure lost before it has begun. The creak of the sheet-iron, which, with the flickering light, accompanies the hero's son as he falls asleep in The Sacrifice, announces the destruction of the house in which he is growing up, and lays the foundations for his future on this loss.
The idea of fertility and regeneration seems to be a recurrent albeit disillusioned one in The Sacrifice (even though the mute child through his act of nurturing, seems to give us some respite from the feeling of desperation that overwhelms by the end of this film).
All Tarkovsky's female characters, incidentally, appear at once calm and troubled, aristocratic and primitive. They give the impression of being like "God's creatures", dedicated to higher things, but also possessed by the devil. They seem to hold the key to good and evil, love and hate. When the hero's wife is seized by convulsions on hearing of the approach of war, she writhes on the floor, with her skirt riding up her thighs, as if shaken at once by insatiability and an organic need to destroy.
The heroine of The Sacrifice is symmetrically complemented by the countrywoman Maria, who evokes at once Christian sainthood (by her name) and a pagan priestess, b the act of love with the hero she enables him to save the world from destruction.

"Once upon a time, long ago an old monk lived in an orthodox monastery. …." Alexander narrates a story to the "little man". "Once he planted a withered tree on a mountain side. Then he told his pupil, a monk named Kolov, to water the tree each day until it came to life. Every morning he filled a water carrier and went out. He climbed the mountain and watered the withered tree and at night fall he returned to the monastery. He did this for three years and one fine day, when he climbed the mountain, he saw the tree covered in blossom".
The story that a father narrates to his son seems to be the essence of Andrei Tarkovsky’s
The Sacrifice….


Premankur Biswas.

Friday, April 14, 2006

All my life I have tried to be different from her. There have been so many decisions in my life which I have consciously taken, not to end up like her.
I hate it when she looks at me expecting to see a bit of her in me…I hate it when I look at my reflection and see her…

Because deep down, I know I will never be like her… I will never be able take the cruel blows of life so determinedly as she has… I will never be able to love life as passionately as she has… I will never be able to make the mistakes that she has made… I will never be able to learn from those mistakes as she has…

Because she has given me so much that I grudge her her generosity…

Today in reterospect I can safely say that I want to be my mother…my identity lies firmly and happily on the fact that I am my mothers son…

This is for u mom, the grande dame of my life….

She turns 52 today…

Thursday, April 13, 2006


I love artist’s impression of court proceedings…they are so very quaint and so wonderfully pointless…like the script girl Bergman never forgets to mention in his credits…the script girl of course is a 30 something, once sharply pretty now fluffy on the sides, spinster…she wears crisp white shirt and asymmetrical brown/black/grey/ knee length skirts…has shoulder length hair always tied up in a bun…and is of course bespectacled…

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

End of an affair....

My tumultuous Google affair comes to a bittersweet end...

Dear Premankur,

Thank you for taking the time to speak with our campus interview team.While we carefully reviewed your background and experience, unfortunately wedidn't find there to be a close enough match for a positionto move forward at this time.Thanks again for considering Google. We wish you well in your future endeavors and hope you might consider us again sometime down the road.

Sincerely,

Google Staffing

My Reply

Dear Google Team,


It has been quite an experience interacting with your very capable and efficient campus interview team. It's unfortunate that our association has to end here; but I will definitely say that I walk away enriched from this experience.
However, I wonder how you managed to review my background when I hadn't submitted any documents or reference numbers. But then, you are Google and everything is just a "lucky search" away for you guys.
Warmest regards to Sachi, Shiraz and Nicolette for guiding me through what could have been a series of disastrous interviews (not that they weren't).
And as years of diligent Googling has taught me, a perfect alignment is just a click away.

Thank you for bringing me a step closer to it.

Premankur Biswas

Monday, April 10, 2006

1051200 minutes
Is two years of my life…
How should I measure it?
In daybreaks, sunsets, midnights???
Or
In heartbreaks, surprises and lies???

This is again a very tentative effort to translate a Punjabi folk song (I have been told that I suck at this and yet I obstinately carry on)…

She who kneads the dough
She who spins the yarn
She who weaves a quilt of dreams for her children
Has wisdom of her own…
Why then, should she shower her son
With all that she has
And gift her daughter
A legacy of misfortune???

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Male
24
Single
Hyderabad
India

That’s what my being boils down to…

As if my gender is my identity…
As if I was born 24…
As if there is no pain in being single…
As if there is no story behind my being in Hyderabad…
As if being Indian means anything

Saturday, April 08, 2006

I will let you sing to me
A sad sad song
I will let you release me
From my happy happy reality
For my big secret
Lies heavy on my heart
So will you sing to me
A sad sad song???


Goodbye Center of Decadence

As the afternoon sun sets over the green CIEFL campus I am suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of surprising nostalgia. Surprising, because in my two years in this campus I have nothing but hated each and every aspect of it, from its hastily put together jam sessions (though I am always the last person to leave the dance floor) to its pretentious Festival of Ideas (thank god we didn’t indulge in that intellectual hedonism this year), from its futile, high voltage GB meetings (I stopped talking to two very good friends for a week after we had a minor clash of opinions) to its loser infested chai crawls (thankfully it died its natural death). And more passionately than everything else, I chose to dislike (am consciously not using the word hate here because hatred would entail some kind of emotional investment) the people here…
And yet today, at the fag end of my stay here, I feel something so indiscernibly weird…
Which raises a lot of questions…was I pretending not to have a good time here?? (sometimes maybe)…was this 2 years stay really that unfruitful?? (maybe not…)
And horror of horrors, will I miss this place?? (I will definitely miss some life long friends that I have made here)…
And most importantly – what do I like about this place??
Apart from the lush greenery of the campus and a few friends , nothing much really, well wait there are other things …yes I do like being part of the Film Club and I do like being a part of something as concrete as a play (whenever we stage one)…
But that doesn’t make up for the bad everything I am subjected to everyday…
And don’t get me wrong I am not talking about the bad mess food (which I kinda like) and the stinky toilets (which I am kinda immune to nowadays)…
Goodbye CIEFL I will all but miss you…

P.S. I hate the grotesque entrance plaza too, God will anyone ever do something about that weird Jantar Mantar meets Great Wall of China thingy!!!

Thursday, April 06, 2006



Pom is angry with me…
Pom is angry with me because I think one of her childhood snaps is ugly…
Pom is a friend’s sister…
Pom is a smart pretty young girl who has everything going for her…
Why then is Pom so bothered with what I think of a moment of her life captured in celluloid…?

Because Pom is as vain as I and u are, of course…

Prithibita naki choto hote hote...

This is a very tentative effort to translate the first few lines of a brilliant Bengali song by a band called Mohiner Ghoraguli ( The horses of Mohin)…am sure Myriad Mind who introduced the shamefully uninitiated me, to this song , will do a much better job of it…but here is it nonetheless…

Have heard that globalization
Has held the world captive in a drawing room idiot box
But do you realize
Now
We are more than light years away from each other?

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Desire de la Coeur …
Or
What the heart wants…

On a hot April afternoon
The reason of the heart takes over
And I wake up calling out “maa…”
Obstinately waiting her to come and make things better
Knowing fully well that she can’t, she won’t….

Monday, April 03, 2006

Desire de la peau
or
What the skin desires...

On a hot April afternoon
The needs of the body takes over
The heat that leaves me breathless
Urges me to do something desperate
But shall I, will I, can I???
Maybe not
Am afraid of being seen for what I want
After all am “worth a lil more than just what my skin desires”…
Or am I?

Sunday, April 02, 2006



Me as only i can be......

A day in the life of my scrapbook..

Arunima
: r u back?
Arunima: ok, sir. i will be waitin
Bodhisatwa: Sei chele ta sei je gelo...gelo to gelo... ar elo na
Bodhisatwa: that sounds really trippy...masochistic for me in a way...however i believe i'll still go for it...as good as it gets
Arunima: hi, so had lunch? took bath? wok up from siesta? then, thou came?
Bodhisatwa: Are baba na.Subhadra is planning a trip to Goa,so i was generally suggesting her as to where she could ideally be to have a blast within a stipulated budget
Arunima: oh, i see. so wat did u hav for lunch?( does my Q. sounds silly?actually, cant think in the afternoons)
runa: such a bitch you are ...huh
Bodhisatwa: You mean the cult director from Hong Kong?
Dhruv: that may take a while to answer as i'm trying to think of something that sounds more profound than 'msc chemical biology'. something along the lines of 'discovering myself...'
Bodhisatwa: Just seen one...Days of being wild...kono ekta festival-e dekhechilam...very unique in treatment...loved the way he falls back to memory and related it to current time and space
Bodhisatwa: Yeah as usual.Friday's we are always there.Love the Band.They actually are very good friends and i do get a preferential treatment with all my favourites being played.Saturday-ta mainly ghumiye-i kete jaye then sandhyebela i try and catch up on some films before going to Some Place.Again.This time for a Blues Band.And Sunday barir sathe lunch.Na hole my folks get pissed big time...ar sandhye bela theke abar the blues..this time the emotional one...office-r katha bhebe.
Bodhisatwa: Hey my gang's honking outside.Got to rush.Have a lovely weekend
skydiving: what was that humming for??
Anirban: hey! how are u?
arunlekha: we are all wondering where you are, you know?
arunlekha: where are you brother?
skydiving: hmm
Arunima: ok, enjoy. r u the director? or the playwright? i wish i could go there to see it myself :( tk cr and gud luck.aar bhalo kore koro tomar back-stage work
arunlekha: HEY!ARE YOU THERE?HOW IS/WAS PLAY?
pallavi: GUYS I WAS DOWN WITH MEASLES. BACK NOW
Dhruv: kinda fond of the family jewels
Bipasha: 342 scraps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wow ur fast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bipasha: hmmmmmmmmm you never told me what happened that day wereyou "fast" then too?
Bipasha: ok ok i take your word for it, but i hope u had fun wats up, loved ur new blog entry, am thinking of doing a similar one. would i be infringing copyrights or do i have exclusive permission?

Wonderfully random isn’t it…but if u follow Ug and solan’s blogs regularly u will detect a narrative in this maze of scraps….